Percy Jackson RPG

This is a Role-Play based off of the popular Percy Jackson Series. You can be canons, mortals, almost anything you can think of.
 
HomeHome  PortalPortal  CalendarCalendar  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  MemberlistMemberlist  UsergroupsUsergroups  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 Am i ready to pass

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Seamus Dellas
Unclaimed Demigod
avatar

Posts : 101
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 20
Location : Camp Half Blood

PostSubject: Am i ready to pass   Tue May 15, 2012 8:12 am

Seamus sat at the park with his football his hair was a little messy he just fell out of a tree. His eyes were shimmering with love.He saw the hotdog man. "Seamus would you like a hot dog?"" He looked at the man with a confused look. " How do you know my name?" Seamus was nervous this time he was shocked that this guy knew his name. "Kid everyone knows you ."



He looked slightly confused about this he looked and ran away his eyes were nervous.He ran so fast his face was redder then New York.He started to fall then he did.

_________________
Clothes Status

White Botton Down Shirt

White Shorts

Blue Vans

Shark Tooth Neckless


Last edited by Seamus Dellas on Tue May 15, 2012 1:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Thomas Kirtley
Son of Athena
avatar

Posts : 1230
Join date : 2012-04-11
Age : 25
Location : I just lost my internet home :'(

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Tue May 15, 2012 12:25 pm

The spelling is improved, but the quotations still need to be proofread. try this:

Space, "Quotation, words, end word." space, next word. i hope I made that understandable. i made it an example in and of itself as well.

_________________



Credit:Sephrodite for the Set and Bead, Arty for the Eomas button
Thomas speaks in Eomas
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seamus Dellas
Unclaimed Demigod
avatar

Posts : 101
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 20
Location : Camp Half Blood

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Sun Jun 24, 2012 3:59 pm

{{Heres a another post for me}]

The teenager with a smile walked down the alley for a while that is one of his least ever place in New York he looked at his shoes they were soaked.Seamus took his sword and eyed the monster witha crazy look then did his fansy sword ways then he stabbed the monster then grinned. " Guess your not that smart dork." Seamus looked at the monster then he ran then he fell out of the fight he was always mad at his friends Eliza.Seamus stood up then he got his sword then he went after the monster with a grips he stabbed and stabbed then boom he was down.



Seamus laughedd at the monster with a evil laugh. "What kind of monster flees dummy go back to Tartatus then never come back ha ha ha ha." Seamus walked back to the store then he took a simple look at the monster then walked away.

_________________
Clothes Status

White Botton Down Shirt

White Shorts

Blue Vans

Shark Tooth Neckless
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Thomas Kirtley
Son of Athena
avatar

Posts : 1230
Join date : 2012-04-11
Age : 25
Location : I just lost my internet home :'(

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Sun Jun 24, 2012 4:56 pm

punctuation. You need to add commas. as of right now, I see a lot of run on sentences.

_________________



Credit:Sephrodite for the Set and Bead, Arty for the Eomas button
Thomas speaks in Eomas
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seamus Dellas
Unclaimed Demigod
avatar

Posts : 101
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 20
Location : Camp Half Blood

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:14 pm

{{Ok Here Another One Thomas}}

The boy walked through the hallway of his freshman year at Goode he saw the cheerleaders staring at him because he had an ugly face.Seamus started to think about stuff When will his Camp Half Blood days , come back then be back in the curse of a school? Seamus looked at a teacher grinning at him with a evil smile then Seamus looked at the students who were transforming into monster like venti and furies. Then they all started saying at once " Seamus come here now or perish in history." said a venti and fury. Seamus backed up then slipped on a nail then fell straight back and wacked his head.Seamus looked at the flashback coming back at him.

Then it went black then he fell in the heath center at Camp Half Blood. " Where am I this is odd I'm at Camp Half Blood again wheres Eliza and Alexander?" Seamus stood up then saw Apollo kids he grined then walked with a pain in his head. Seamus saw kids fighting he just began walking again then he looked at the kids who were fighting.Seamus looked at the rode then walked more and more.

_________________
Clothes Status

White Botton Down Shirt

White Shorts

Blue Vans

Shark Tooth Neckless
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Thomas Kirtley
Son of Athena
avatar

Posts : 1230
Join date : 2012-04-11
Age : 25
Location : I just lost my internet home :'(

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:19 pm

please improve your punctuation. look at any of the other posts for ideas on punctuation.

_________________



Credit:Sephrodite for the Set and Bead, Arty for the Eomas button
Thomas speaks in Eomas
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seamus Dellas
Unclaimed Demigod
avatar

Posts : 101
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 20
Location : Camp Half Blood

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:38 pm

{[Heres another one hopefully to past]}

The teenager walked around the Mess Hall his hair was a mess then he looked he only saw campers. Why can't he go out with Eliza maybe in another year he would. " How crazy are the Morpheas Campers about Baubos kids. Oh I shouldn't have said that about Eliza and Alexander. The perfect couple in his mind but then they broke up." Seamus looked at the campers playing sports then he saw a boy then he disappeared he been seeing ghost a lot in Camp Half Blood.Seamus took his pen out then went to writeing he saw the boy again it looked like Luke Castellen.Seamus saw the boy grinning at him then Seamus backed up and looked at the boy grinning more.

Seamus looked out the window he needed help now. " Help!!!! Someone help please help ?" Seamus looked at the campers not moving just playing.Seamus looked at the books then read one.Seamus ran back to the Hermes Cabin to sleep for the night then looked at the glow then went back to sleep.

_________________
Clothes Status

White Botton Down Shirt

White Shorts

Blue Vans

Shark Tooth Neckless
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Artemis
Olympian
avatar

Posts : 613
Join date : 2012-04-29
Age : 18
Location : Do you even need to ask? The moon of course!

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:50 pm

Like Thomas said, work on the punctuation. Also, try not to put run-on sentences. Such as: "Seamus looked at the campers playing sports then he saw a boy then he disappeared he had been seing ghosts a lot in Camp Half Blood.Seamus took his pen out then went to writeing he saw the boy again it looked like Luke Castellen." could be changed to "Seamus looked at the campers playing sports, and saw a boy disappear. He had been seeing ghosts a lot at Camp Half-Blood. Seamus took his pen out and went to writing, when he saw the boy again. It looked like Luke Castellen." When you write sentences that are really long, sometimes the reader gets confused. Hoped this helped :3

_________________

^^Britney Beltran, from HBH! Ah-mazing, right?!
Catherine Ross, daughter of Baubo, Hunter of Artemis, from HBH.

Adele, HBH!
Artemis speaks in #B7DBFE
Avvie by me :3
My graphics shop is here!
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://Chamberofchat.com
Seamus Dellas
Unclaimed Demigod
avatar

Posts : 101
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 20
Location : Camp Half Blood

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:12 pm

[[Heres another one hopefully to pass]]

Seamus stood at the top of Camp Half Blood peering down at the campers fighting each other. " Great! Eliza is a good friend but I like her maybe she hate me if I asked her to date me ya lets see how Aporodite sees if she is right for me ?" Seamus walked along the hill of the camp staring at the campers fighting. Why was he always a outcast he was not worth to date Eliza she would just say no to him and embrasses him. Seamus took a look at the Morpheas kid talking. They would hate him too if he dated Eliza.

Seamus walked more and more just staring at the fight down below him.Seamus looked and saw a another boy who looked like Lee Fleacher staring at him then it faded.Seamus been seeing many ghost lately then he saw Ethan Nakumana staring at with a devilish smile then faded.Seamus looked at the stuff then he yelled " I see Ghosts! who said I did ?"

_________________
Clothes Status

White Botton Down Shirt

White Shorts

Blue Vans

Shark Tooth Neckless
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Ryan Freeman
Unclaimed Demigod


Posts : 142
Join date : 2012-05-24
Age : 22

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:39 pm

Seamus, could you please not put hopefully to pass, it will come eventually, I'm not sure in the eyes of the teachers, but I am pretty sure that makes you have to do more and make it take longer. Thank you, we are not trying to be strict, we just want good RPers

_________________

DON'T TOUCH THE SHAQTUS


Ryan speaks in green
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seamus Dellas
Unclaimed Demigod
avatar

Posts : 101
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 20
Location : Camp Half Blood

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:12 am

ok

{Heres A Good One hope ya like it}]

Boom!!, the flames of the place rummbled like thunder, waking up the whole region of Manhattan.People ran looking for the fireman but all was the pure of darkness taking over the whole contant.Seamus sleeped then he smelled fire he looked It was his mothers work station,what could of possbily happened to it ? Seamus went to wake up his mother and brother hoping his father wouldn't let anything happen to them.Seamus entered his mother's bedroom, he started to saw " Mom,you need to get up quick." Seamus said in horror still smelling the smoke " Why Seamus, dear is there anything wrong ? " Seamus , looked it his mother then replied in a mumble " Your work,is on fire its horrible mom please get up, and I wil get Adam up."

Seamus mother looked at him like what,Seamus waited for a simple reply from his mother. " Seamus, ok I will get up my work it on fire this is bad get your brother up now." Seamus ran out of the room, and straight to his brothers room. "Adam, get up now come on wake up? " Seamus glimpsed at his brother and hopping for his brother to hear him. " What Seamus, is there anything wrong?" Seamus stared at his brother with a smirk. " Yes, there is Adam mom's work station is on fire down the street." Seamus looked at his brother and got out of the room his brother behind him they got to the group of people. " Mom?, I have to save the people Adam come."



Seamus ran through the doors with his brother. The fire burning like, he was just put in a an oven by a desprate old lady who cooked kids. Seamus saw a ghostly person,Seamus stared at the person that looked like Charles Beckendorf. The man was looking at him holding his hand out. " Stop, your father wouldn't like it one bit so go back you two ! " Seamus and Adam looked at the ghosty form then ran farther he saw a kid looking at him. " Help Me please?" Seamus got the girl then cleared her a way out.

Seamus saw more people he got them to a safe place then ran to save more people then Luke Castellen appeared. " Seamus, stop don't tempt dangerous stuff like this I get it your trying to save people which is great . But you should always think before you do this,I know my dad was sad when I went to Kronos side.Then I turned back to the good side. Seamus don't try to kill yourself so go in and save more people I'm your guardian in this so do it then you'll be a great deal at Camp Half Blood so do it" Seamus looked at him then said " I will Luke and I never knew my father ok so thanks I will do this." Seamus saved every person then came out of the fire with his brother by his side. Seamus saw people heading his way. Seamus heared thank yous then someone came up to him it was his mother. " Seamus,your a hero and a good one I never thought any of my boys could do this but you did.Thats why I'm very proud of you." Seamus looked at his mom with a smile. " I could never do this without help from many people in my mind." Seamus smiled as the people thanked him.



{{ I hopped you liked this}}

_________________
Clothes Status

White Botton Down Shirt

White Shorts

Blue Vans

Shark Tooth Neckless
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seamus Dellas
Unclaimed Demigod
avatar

Posts : 101
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 20
Location : Camp Half Blood

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:13 am

ok

{Heres A Good One hope ya like it}]

Boom!!, the flames of the place rummbled like thunder, waking up the whole region of Manhattan.People ran looking for the fireman but all was the pure of darkness taking over the whole contant.Seamus sleeped then he smelled fire he looked It was his mothers work station,what could of possbily happened to it ? Seamus went to wake up his mother and brother hoping his father wouldn't let anything happen to them.Seamus entered his mother's bedroom, he started to saw " Mom,you need to get up quick." Seamus said in horror still smelling the smoke " Why Seamus, dear is there anything wrong ? " Seamus , looked it his mother then replied in a mumble " Your work,is on fire its horrible mom please get up, and I wil get Adam up."

Seamus mother looked at him like what,Seamus waited for a simple reply from his mother. " Seamus, ok I will get up my work it on fire this is bad get your brother up now." Seamus ran out of the room, and straight to his brothers room. "Adam, get up now come on wake up? " Seamus glimpsed at his brother and hopping for his brother to hear him. " What Seamus, is there anything wrong?" Seamus stared at his brother with a smirk. " Yes, there is Adam mom's work station is on fire down the street." Seamus looked at his brother and got out of the room his brother behind him they got to the group of people. " Mom?, I have to save the people Adam come."



Seamus ran through the doors with his brother. The fire burning like, he was just put in a an oven by a desprate old lady who cooked kids. Seamus saw a ghostly person,Seamus stared at the person that looked like Charles Beckendorf. The man was looking at him holding his hand out. " Stop, your father wouldn't like it one bit so go back you two ! " Seamus and Adam looked at the ghosty form then ran farther he saw a kid looking at him. " Help Me please?" Seamus got the girl then cleared her a way out.

Seamus saw more people he got them to a safe place then ran to save more people then Luke Castellen appeared. " Seamus, stop don't tempt dangerous stuff like this I get it your trying to save people which is great . But you should always think before you do this,I know my dad was sad when I went to Kronos side.Then I turned back to the good side. Seamus don't try to kill yourself so go in and save more people I'm your guardian in this so do it then you'll be a great deal at Camp Half Blood so do it" Seamus looked at him then said " I will Luke and I never knew my father ok so thanks I will do this." Seamus saved every person then came out of the fire with his brother by his side. Seamus saw people heading his way. Seamus heared thank yous then someone came up to him it was his mother. " Seamus,your a hero and a good one I never thought any of my boys could do this but you did.Thats why I'm very proud of you." Seamus looked at his mom with a smile. " I could never do this without help from many people in my mind." Seamus smiled as the people thanked him.



{{ I hopped you liked this}}

_________________
Clothes Status

White Botton Down Shirt

White Shorts

Blue Vans

Shark Tooth Neckless
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Thomas Kirtley
Son of Athena
avatar

Posts : 1230
Join date : 2012-04-11
Age : 25
Location : I just lost my internet home :'(

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:19 am

Accidentally double posted, but it happens. You are improving, but when you Color code, it is not a substitue for quotation marks. Plus, both Luke and Beckendorf are dead, and your character sheet has nothing about seeing ghosts on it, making a hint for an Underworld child. I would try to watch yourself on it.

_________________



Credit:Sephrodite for the Set and Bead, Arty for the Eomas button
Thomas speaks in Eomas
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Lucas Gomolski



Posts : 2
Join date : 2014-01-07

PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:39 pm

Lucas and Camden ran through the entry way of the camp, quickly, Lucas's dad went speeding away in his car. Lucas looked out at 20 strange looking buildings with a hearth in the middle,A strawberry field, a big baby blue building, a mess hall ,{well Lucas assumed it was} a rock climbing wall with lava, and an archery range. Lucas didn't know why, but felt strangely at home."It's beatiful." Lucas told Camden in wonder."Yeah, you get used one place when you get claimed." Said Camden in a casual tone."Claimed?" asked Lucas curiosly. "Well getting claimed is like when your godly parent notices you and shows you a sign." Camden said answering Lucas's question."For example if your godly mother was Aphrodite she would make you totally gorgeous."Well claimed or not."Lucas thought. "I'm going to like it here" Lucas thought with a smile on his face.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Am i ready to pass   

Back to top Go down
 
Am i ready to pass
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Tighten Up crew present Trash & Ready: Catch, Shoreditch. 17 January 2010
» OCTOBER 2011 R&B SELECTIONS
» PASS THE CARPET - AND ME TEETH! CRIES OF WOE RE FIND MADELEINE ONLINE SHOP
» Angelica
» SHPH FB Group Registration

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Percy Jackson RPG :: OOC :: The Roleplay School :: The School-
Jump to: